


Shut Up Eric

by Takujaepls



Category: After School Club (TV), GOT7
Genre: Eric nam - Freeform, Idk i needed to get my eric leaving feelings out and this started to happen, Jacknam, Jackson wang - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-06-01 19:57:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6534337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takujaepls/pseuds/Takujaepls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes little kids pick on people because they like them, and Jackson has the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. At least, that's what Eric had <i>thought<i></i></i>. It only takes one evening for the younger to show Eric just how mature he really is.</p><p> </p><p>Or Eric is upset after leaving ASC and Jackson comes over to cheer him up and things get a little out of control.</p><p> </p><p>AU where Eric actually got married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preview:

 He never meant for this to happen. He never meant for any of this to happen. He was upset and not thinking clearly because this was crazy. He shouldn't be here, half naked and pinned beneath the younger boy whom he'd had far too many fantasies about. 

 But he  _was_ here. He was here and he couldn't make himself do anything but move his lips back against the other. How had this happened?

 

* * *

 

 Leaving ASC was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He had been there since the beginning. The very first episode of After School Club was one of his fondest memories, awkward and full of technical errors but monumental none the less. It was his baby and now, after three years, he was walking away from it. 

 It was so surreal it didn't fully sink in until he was back at home, finished the filming for the last episode. He sat down on his couch, sighing tiredly and rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept the night before and his body was aching all over. After blinking back his exhaustion a couple times his eyes fell on the photos above his fireplace, kitchen light glinting off the glass panes so that he had to squint to see properly. He immediately regretted looking. 

 First was a photo of him and Hanbyul from their very first episode, standing in front of the ASC logo and smiling. Next was him and Kevin after Hanbyul had left. It was so long ago he barely felt the ache anymore. Then it was a collage of Jimin, her first episode as a guest, her first day filling in for Kevin and finally the day she was announced as a full time host. It was a timeline of the happiest moments of his life for the past three years but all he could think was now how that timeline was over.

 Yes, he'd chosen to leave ASC but he obviously hadn't properly come to terms with it. It wasn't cut and dry where he could just leave and move on like nothing had happened. He wasn't hardwired that way. This was a huge step in his life and he suddenly wasn't sure he should have taken it.

 The first tear fell before he even realized he was crying. It dropped onto his pristine white shirt, the one he hadn't bothered changing out of before he escaped back to his apartment. He looked down, blinking at it and fighting the urge to sniffle. He told himself he wouldn't cry, promised himself. Despite that, the tears started to squeeze out of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks to stain his shirt.

 Shit, here he went. The first sob racked his body and he winced, bringing a sleeve up to wipe his nose before the snot could reach his face. 

 Years. Years wasted. Years he'd casually thrown away, for what? For a relationship that probably wouldn't even last. 

 He turned to the empty foyer, looking at the empty space where his wife's shoes should be. She hadn't been back for almost two days and it was  _killing_ him. He knew she was angry but this was getting ridiculous. She should be here. She should be comforting him and wiping his tears away, instead she was God knows where because she couldn't stand to be in the same building as him. World's shortest marriage ever.

 He wasn't even sure how long he'd been crying; he lost track of time some ten sad songs ago. It was just him and his thoughts left to occupy the apartment and they were much easier to ignore when it wasn't silent. He buried his face into the side of the couch and cried his heart out. He cried until his eyes stung and his head felt like a construction site and then he kept crying.

 It was too much to deal with and he felt himself breaking inside. He just wanted to go back to when everything was okay and he was Eric of After School Club. It was too late, though. He would never be that again and the thought made him cry harder. 

 He was vaguely aware of a buzzing in his pants pocket and fumbled quickly for his phone, hoping perhaps it was  _her_ and he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. 

 He was only slightly disappointed when he saw the name.

**From: Jackson Wang, 2:38 pm**

_good job hyung! It was a funny last episode, not as funny as mine but still (y)_

 He almost laughed and typed out a short reply, drawing his nose across his sleeve.

**To: Jackson Wang, 2:39 pm**

_thanks I guess. Your the first person to say anything so congratulations_

 It was sad but true. No one hand bothered to say a word to him yet. He had almost held onto a last sliver of hope before this that things could go back to the way they were. It was wishful thinking. Everyone knew he had quit and there was  _no_ going back now. He was stuck here.

 A buzz in his hand drew his attention again.

**From: Jackson Wang, 2:41 pm**

_I LOVE being first! But seriously it was good and I'll miss you_

 He was sad and moody and he couldn't stop himself from sharing that, apparently.

**To: Jackson Wang, 2:42 pm**

_apparently your the only one :/_

He was honestly shocked with Jackson's response.

**From: Jackson Wang, 2:43 pm**

_you're being silly hyung! Everyone loves you. You shouldn't feel this way, want me to come over and talk?_

Come over and talk? Jackson had never once offered to come over; why now? He didn't have much time to contemplate it because less than thirty seconds after the first he received another text.

**From: Jackson Wang, 2:43 pm**

_don't bother answering. I'm on my way. Don't make me wait and be ready for the door hyung!_

 Oh. What had he just unintentionally agreed to?


	2. Mirage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is there for Eric when things go wrong, helping him to forget about real life for a little while. Of course it comes crashing back to him soon enough.   
> It just wasn't how he expected it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's baaack.... only seven months late... I'm so sorry T_T

**To: Jackson Wang, 2:44 pm**

_honestly I'm fine Jackson there's no need to come over_

 It was odd that Jackson had offered to come over. Sure, they joked around and talked on set but they had never gotten particularly close. Their conversations consisted of playful bickering and "Shut up Eric." It was just how they were. For the younger boy to suddenly offer to drive across town just because of a vaguely sad text message was _bizarre_. Whatever the reason was it didn't matter; What did matter was he was a mess. He couldn't let his hoobae see him like this. It wouldn't be right. He was supposed to be strong, _needed_ to be strong. He had lost everything but he would not lose his dignity too.

**From: Jackson Wang, 2:51 pm**

_I'm already on my way! Are you gonna make me turn back now? :€_

  _Yes_ , he thought except he didn't. Instead he sighed, staring down at his phone screen but not really seeing it through his own muddle thoughts.

 What could it hurt to have Jackson over? He was alone and upset and there was no doubt Jackson being here would distract him some. That boy was one of a kind; a _loud_ kind but maybe that was what Eric needed. Jackson probably wouldn't shut up the whole time and it would a better distraction than he could provide himself, plus it would keep him from letting himself wallow in his misery.

**To: Jackson Wang, 2:55 pm**

_Okay. Text me when you're here._

 He probably shouldn't have done it. He probably should have told Jackson he was busy and _thanks, another time_ but he hadn’t. There was no going back now though, at least not if he didn't wanna look like a total idiot.

 He didn't have time for a shower but he could at least get himself cleaned up a bit and in some fresh clothes. Tear stains were much more noticeable on white. Once in the bathroom he splashed his face with cold water, head hanging over the basin and hands clutching onto the edges. The water fell down from his hair and made small drip noises beneath him, pooling together before sliding down the drain. He abstractly wondered if leaving ASC would lead his own life down the drain before he shook his head. He couldn't afford to think about that now. Jackson was going to be here soon and he _had_ to get a grip, no matter how hard it was.

 He made his way to his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt on the way and discarding it on the floor beside his bed. He could feel little droplets of water running down his neck and he shuddered in the cold air. He was just about to open his closet when the small chime of his doorbell filled his apartment. Glancing at his phone told him Jackson must have high tailed it to get here so quickly.

 He grabbed a shirt blindly, stuffing his arms through the sleeves as he made his way to the front door. There was another chime and he sped up, slippers scuffing the apartment floor in his haste to greet his impatient guest.

 "I'm coming!"

 He pulled the shirt down over his torso right before he opened the door. Jackson stopped tapping his foot and beamed up at him, walking right past Eric and into his apartment.

 "About time hyung! I brought supplies." He lifted his hand to showcase a plastic bag dangling from his wrist. Eric closed the door and turned to face him but the younger boy wasn't paying him any attention. He was too busy looking around him at the apartment.

  
 Eric suddenly felt self conscious. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before remembering Jackson was a guest, whether he invited _himself_ or not. The elder pulled a pair of guest slippers out of the shoe rack, placing them next to Jackson. "How did you even know where I lived?"

 Jackson's smile didn't falter as he slipped out of his shoes and into the slippers. "Don't you remember? You told me you were moving to this area. I just asked Kevin what house number."

 He frowned, trying to recall that. Had he mentioned it to Jackson? He'd moved a couple months ago so it was too long to really remember. He probably _had_ mentioned something in passing. Still, he was impressed Jackson remembered.

 "Oh, well come in."

 Jackson, of course, didn't hesitate and walked right into the living room, plopping down unceremoniously on the couch, arms splayed out across the back. He looked up at Eric, grinning from ear to ear. His eyes surveyed the apartment once more, taking in the brick walls and metal chandelier above the dining room table. "This is a nice apartment hyung. I like it. Much nicer than our dorms."

 "Oh, well, thank you." Eric sat down on the edge of the couch, feeling somewhat awkward but mostly unsure of what exactly to say. He hoped his crying wasn't evident on his face. "So what's with the 'supplies'?" He gestured to the bag now sitting in Jackson's lap.

 "Oh, yeah!" Jackson opened the bag, pulling item after item out. "Cheeseburgers because they're delicious and delicious things will make you feel better. Chocolate because it's _chocolate_ , duh. Ooh! They had some cool new snacks I brought for us to try, too!" Jackson dumped the bag onto the coffee table and a mountain of sweets fell out, clattering onto the smooth wooden surface.

 Eric's mouth dropped open a little. "You expect us to finish all _that_?" The pile was pretty huge for just the two of them. He picked a piece up, examining the package to discern what exactly it was.

 "It's not that hard, hyung! Me and BamBam eat more than this all the time!"

 "And you're not diabetic?"

 Jackson smiled and shrugged, grabbing a cheeseburger and passing it to Eric. "Nope." He opened his own cheeseburger and took a huge bite of it, chewing as he once again looked around the apartment. "You know," he managed between bites, "this place looks like you too."

 Eric was unfolding his burger, looking at it warily. Had Jackson picked these up from the convenience store? "It does?" He looked up from studying the viability of his food to see Jackson nod as he swallowed.

 "Yup. It's very neat but fun, just like you." Jackson's smile was genuine and Eric found it hard not to blush but somehow managed.

 "Thanks," he said instead. "But are you sure these burgers are okay to eat? They look... _weird_."

 Jackson waved his comment away, taking another bite from his. "Yah, 's fine. I ha' dem all da dime."

 Eric laughed, watching Jackson struggle to contain the full bite in his mouth without pieces falling out. "Chew, Jackson." Jackson nodded half heartedly but made no move to slow down as he went for another bite. Eric's hand flew out and stopped him, earning a quizzical glance from the younger boy. "Seriously, you'll choke." Eric was pretty sure he had a "dad" face on right now but what else could he do when Jackson was gonna eat himself into an early grave? "I'll go get some drinks, so just slow down."

 Somehow Jackson managed a whine through his very full mouth as Eric got up to get something to wash their food down. He didn't have a lot but he had some bottles of juice that weren't half bad. He hadn't had them much so he needed to turf some off anyways. He grabbed two and headed back to the living room, not at all surprised to see Jackson shoveling food into his mouth once again.

 "Seriously, are you human?" He laughed as he watched Jackson tear the drink open and chug some back.

 "I think so," Jackson finally replied once he'd washed down his food. "At least, I _think_. I am uncommonly good looking, after all, so maybe I’m not."

 Eric rolled his eyes but grabbed his burger again. If Jackson was eating it so enthusiastically it must be okay for human consumption, unless Jackson really wasn't human but then Eric'd have bigger problems to worry about than stale meat. He tentatively took a bite and was surprised when it wasn't horrible. In fact, it was _sort of_ really good.

 Jackson smiled and nudged Eric's elbow. "Not bad, right? I told you!" The younger’s happiness was infectious and Eric found himself smiling in response.

 "Yeah, it's not bad but I've had better," he teased.

 It immediately gained a response from Jackson. He puffed his chest out in defense and leaned forward. His face reminded Eric of a kicked puppy in a sense. "Yah, these burgers are better than not bad. They're the best in Seoul!"

 It sounded far too passionate for a speech about burgers and Eric couldn't help but laugh. Jackson frowned and leaned back, looking at Eric with a vaguely pouty expression. Eric stopped laughing.

 There had been many a time when Eric had imagined Jackson making those pouty lips at him, just for him without any cameras around. He had imagined the puff of Jackson's lips as they stuck out against his milky skin and how the light would dance off of them, seemingly never dry. He imagined them leaning in against his and how soft they would be when he could finally touch them. It was a thought he kept to himself. He'd never told anyone.

 Now Jackson was right in front of him, alone in his apartment with him and looking so damn _adorable_ it made Eric dizzy. He blinked in shock for a moment before he regained his senses. Cursing himself mentally for acting so ridiculous he smiled and shook his head at Jackson. "Okay, but they're just burgers." As expected from Jackson there wasn't a moments silence before he responded with a lengthy debate about different burger shops in the area.

 Eric kept quiet and listened as Jackson listed off the good shops and the bad shops, the ones that grilled their burgers and the ones that microwaved them and the places that had the best fries to go with them. He only smiled as Jackson spoke, becoming more and more captivated by his passion. He was literally talking about burgers but it could be the next president of Korea with how into it he got. He _was_ probably more passionate about burgers than the president, actually.

 Jackson talked for a full ten minutes before he stopped to take a breath. Eric's burger had gone cold but he didn't care because he honestly wasn't very hungry anyways. Somehow during his speech Jackson had managed to finish his without stopping. It was pretty impressive all things considering.

 They made meaningless small talk that mostly consisted of Got7's promotions (that Jackson was very excited about) to Eric's idea for his career now. Admittedly the conversation died down a bit when Jackson asked about Eric's plans for the future.

 "I don't know, to be honest." He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone but Jackson. He wouldn't judge Eric because he didn't have it all figured out and he also wouldn't think less of him for breaking the "Eric Nam Super Guy" image. Jackson was _real_. Real people didn't come along often.

 "Don't worry hyung. You'll do well; I know it." Jackson's smile was a thousand watts as he looked at Eric. "Besides, even if things didn't work out you're still Eric Nam! You could find a job easily!"

 That smile made Eric's heart flutter so much he forgot to answer for a moment. "You think?"

 Jackson leaned forward, wrapping his arm around Eric's shoulder. "Of course! You're awesome!"

 The proximity was somewhat dizzying and Eric had to remind himself to breathe. Yes, he _might_ have delayed ASC shooting a bit before so he could spend more time around Jackson. Yes, he _might_ have fantasized about Jackson once or twice. Yes, he _might_ have thought about them in compromising and completely inappropriate positions. He could admit that all to himself with the knowledge it was just a silly little fantasy he would/could never act on; It was harder to admit it was that when he could feel Jackson wrapped around him like this. He could smell Jackson's aftershave, for goodness sake! As far as temptation went this was a lake in a _very_ dry desert.

 He managed a half laugh to disguise his sudden lapse in attention and playfully shrugged out from under Jackson's arm. "You're just sucking up to your hyung," he teased. He grabbed one of the sweets on the table and unwrapped it so he'd have something to do with his hands; He was pretty sure they'd shake otherwise. He popped it into his mouth without reading what it was.

 "Yah, I'm not! I'm serio-" Jackson's words were cut short as Eric spit the candy out, right onto the table. He watched in laughter as Eric fumbled for his juice and gulped some down. He gripped the wrapper and stared incredulously at the younger.

 "Wasabi candy?! _Seriously_?"

 He gave Jackson a glare as the younger boy continued to laugh, doubling over and gripping the couch to keep himself from falling off. "Hyung," he breathed between bouts of laughter, "It said so on the package! I can't _believe_ you did that!"

 Eric might have argued more but he was too busy gulping down his juice like it was a lifeline. He wasn't good with spicy stuff at all. His mouth felt like it was on fire and the juice wasn't helping. "Fine, but I'm still blaming you."

 Jackson called out from behind him as the elder went to grab some milk. "Why?"

 "Because you brought it," Eric called back.

 "That's flawed logic!" Jackson's voice was slightly muffled by the wall between them but Eric could still hear the challenge in it. Always arguing. He didn't even know he was smiling until he returned and Jackson pointed it out.

 "See! You're smiling! You know it's not my fault!"

 Eric held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, fine. You win." Jackson eyed him suspiciously but seemed to accept his statement. "But if you ever bring that candy again I will make you regret it. I hate spicy or hot things."

 Jackson smirked as he balled up his burger wrapper, tossing it onto the table and looking at Eric. "I guess that means you hate me."

 He rolled his eyes at Jackson, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms. If Jackson wanted to play this game he would. He was better at it anyways. "No, I don't hate you," he replied innocently. "I hate _hot and spicy_ things."

 "Yah, are you saying I'm not hot?" Jackson snapped.

 "Are you saying you are?" Eric fired back.

 "I am hot! Seriously, ask people! They say I'm very handsome."

 "Handsome and hot are two different things," Eric pointed out.

 "Are you admitting I'm handsome?"

 Damn. Eric had almost fallen into that one. He pursed his lips, shaking his head. "Nope," he said. "Not admitting anything."

 Jackson sat forward, much closer to him now as he grinned wide. "You said 'admit'! You think it, you just don't wanna _say_ it! Hyung thinks I'm handsome!~"

 Eric laughed at the sing song quality of his voice. His facade cracked slightly because who could keep a straight face when Jackson was beaming at them like this? "Jackson, I've admitted you're handsome before, why are you so happy about it now?"

 Jackson gave a noncommittal shrug. "There's no cameras now. I know you mean it."

 There was a moment of vulnerability to his words. It was brief and if Eric hadn't been paying attention he probably would have missed it. He saw it in the crease of Jackson's brows and heard it in the slight waver of his voice. It was over in a flash, Jackson's face back to its cheery norm but Eric's thoughts remained on it. It _bugged_ Eric. Sure, Jackson acted confident and even haughty sometimes but he knew it was a front. Beneath it Jackson was as self-conscious as everyone else. He didn't need to be. "Of course I meant it," Eric assured him. "I was only teasing you. Of course I think you're attractive. Anyone would."

 Jackson studied him, tilting his head to the side curiously. "I didn't say attractive, hyung. Do you find me attractive?"

 Okay, his wording had definitely not been the best choice. It wouldn't be such a big deal if Eric could actually answer 'No' truthfully but at this point it was undeniable that he was attracted to the younger boy, at least to himself. Now Jackson was looking at him in a strange way and panic shot through his belly.

 "No! I mean you are but I don't- you know what I meant." He chuckled weakly but it had no effect on Jackson. He was still watching Eric with an almost calculating expression. It was terrifying and suddenly he wondered if Jackson _knew_. He couldn't know, _could_ he? _Shit_ , what if he did? What was Eric supposed to do? He had to derail Jackson's train of thought before it reached the correct destination. "Aren't you supposed to be cheering me up? Where's the liquor? Guess I'll just have to provide my own."

 He made his exit to the kitchen without waiting for Jackson's reply. What was he doing? He'd managed his feelings perfectly well every other time he'd been with Jackson. What was so different now?

  _Now he's in your living room, alone._

 The thought didn’t help quell the sudden tide of inappropriate thoughts clouding his brain. He needed to get a grip and fast. If he couldn't control himself around Jackson for five minutes how was he supposed to get through the evening?

 Alcohol. That, he decided, was his solution. He just needed to get _really_ drunk. He grabbed a bottle of whisky from the top cabinet and two glasses.

 He steeled himself for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to clear his mind of Jackson. It worked until he entered the living room and saw him again. Damn that boy for being so _damn_ attractive. He was leaning back into the couch, one arm thrown across the back and the other laying casually across the armrest. The bastard's legs were even spread slightly. Eric's self control slipped some, but only _some_. He was still able to walk to the couch and sit down without jumping the boy so progress.

 "Here," Eric muttered gruffly. He handed Jackson a glass and filled it to the brim with alcohol before doing the same with his. "Cheers." He barely waited for Jackson's glass to touch his before he threw his back. The liquid burned his throat but it was a good burn.

 He grimaced as he finished and began pouring himself another shot. He threw it back with no more difficulty than before. He wasn't really a drinker but stressful situations could do that to you, he supposed. He felt the warmth flood through him and immediately felt more at ease. It was nice.

 Jackson spoke up when he poured his third. "Whoa, hyung. It's not even four o'clock in the afternoon. Maybe you should slow down."

 Despite Jackson meaning well Eric couldn't stop the bitter retort that left his lips. "Why should I? I don't have a job to go to." He raised the glass but before it could meet his lips it was snatched from his grasp. He looked sideways at Jackson, who was staring at him sternly, and sighed. "What?"

 "Really? I know you're upset about ASC, hyung, but I won't let you turn to alcohol."

 Eric laughed. Jackson sent him an annoyed look but he couldn't help it. It was funny. Here Jackson was, tempting him _so_ badly Eric couldn't think of anything else and he had to drink to get through it, and Jackson was blaming it on ASC. Jackson had definitely done his job. Eric had barely thought about ASC since he'd arrived. "I'm not drinking because of the show, Jackson." His laughter subsided some and he reached for his glass, again, only to have Jackson stop him, again.

 "Then what are you doing?"

 Eric thought about that. What was he doing? "Drinking," Eric finally answered. "Just cause." He could feel the light tingling of the alcohol start to soothe his jangled nerves already. He really wasn't a drinker.

 Jackson scoffed. "That's a horrible answer, hyung."

 "But it is an answer so give me back my glass." He held his hand out expectantly. Jackson seemed reluctant to hand it over but after a couple moments he passed the glass back into Eric's hands. Eric tried to ignore the light brush of Jackson's finger tips as he did so. Tried.

  
 “But drinking won’t make the pain go away, hyung.”

  
 Eric’s hand stilled as it brought the glass up to his lips, hovering an inch away from them. “Nothing makes it go away,” Eric answered before knocking that glass back as well. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol that caused his slip of the tongue or just Jackson’s proximity: they were probably both to blame. They were a deadly combination and Eric realized maybe it had been a bad idea to include both. Still, he’d gone this far. Might as well take it home. His hand reached for the bottle at the same moment Jackson gripped his wrists and pulled his hands down. He turned to stare incredulously at his younger as Jackson held Eric’s arms forcefully at his own sides.

  
 “No hyung,” Jackson said solemnly. He leaned in, brown eyes staring straight through Eric’s like they were tuned into his very being. “I came here to make you feel better. Alcohol will not make you feel better. It will just make you feel sad, very sad.”

  
 Sadness was something Eric felt very close to lately. He had left his first love, ASC, for his second love, his wife, and his second love had left him for nothing. The heartbreak was bad enough but what was worse was the little voice in the back of his head telling him it was _good_ because now Jackson was here and even the smallest gesture from him made Eric’s heart beat faster than his wife had. That… _that_ was scary. _That_ was something he could not face right now, maybe never.

  
 He wanted to thrash around, wanted to break free and run a thousand miles away but he couldn’t bring himself to move an inch. “Don’t pretend to understand me Jackson. You have no idea what I’m feeling right now. You have no idea.”

  
 There were thirty seconds of silence that were so loud Eric’s head felt like it would explode. Jackson just watched him, just watched and those eyes looked into Eric’s and the elder felt his confession squirming beneath the surface of his skin. He tried to shove it down, shove it so far down he could forget it himself so that he could make it out of this alive. He wasn’t ready for this, hadn’t known he needed to be _ready_ for it.

  
 “I know what it’s like to want something so bad it feels like going without it is worse than dying,” the younger finally said. “I know what it feels like when you just want to sit and cry over something because going without it breaks your heart and makes you question who you are at the same time, to feel like you’ve lost yourself because of another.”

  
 There was pain in his eyes Eric never would have guessed existed in the younger. It brought his argument to a halt because Jackson _did_ know. The same pain Eric felt was reflected in those eyes and it broke Eric’s heart even further, both because he wanted to hate the person for _hurting_ Jackson and for making the younger love _her_.

  
 “Who was she?” He couldn’t help but ask. He needed to understand who could have _possibly_ denied the angel that was Jackson Wang. He needed to know because he still had some strings to pull and part of him wanted to make that person suffer.

  
 Jackson laughed, shaking his head slightly. “Does it matter who it is? The point is I understand pain. Pain is universal. We all think we’re the only one but there are a thousand people who feel like us. It’s stupid to reject their help.”

  
 When did Jackson become so smart? He was always acting so immature and confident that sometimes Eric forget he felt things too, things that everyone else did. He’d heard so many idols be called Happy Virus but none of them could honor the title like Jackson with his limitless smiles and outlandish jokes and endless personality. So to hear him speak of sorrow so deep… Maybe it was time he re-evaluated the younger.

  
 “I just…” He dropped his head because he felt the words so close to leaving his lips and he had to stop. He had to stop before he confessed to Jackson. He couldn’t lose anyone else, especially not him.

  
 “Hey ,” the younger said. Eric looked up and Jackson was smiling, a hopeful yet resigned smile that made Eric’s heart break. “We all have our burdens to bear. It doesn’t mean we can’t share them. You never know, maybe we can carry it together.”

  
 Eric wasn’t thinking, or maybe he was thinking too much. It was like Jackson could see right into his head and knew the right things to say, the things to drop Eric’s guard and make him want to reveal everything. He would probably regret it later but with the buzz of alcohol and heartbreak running through his veins he let something slip he never meant to, words coming out rushed in an effort to get it over with.

  
 “My wife left me and I’m not as sad as I should be because I’m in love with someone else. How does that sound?” He slumped into the couch as much as Jackson’s hold would allow. He had never meant to share this much but Jackson had a way of taking your plans and throwing them out the window before you could realize he’d opened it.

  
 There was a terrifying moment where Jackson froze and Eric thought he was horrified with the elder for betraying his wife and was going to lecture him. He readied his defense internally but it didn’t come. Instead Jackson moved his arms to wrap around Eric instead and pull him half into the younger’s lap in a comforting hug.

  
 “It sounds hard. I’m sorry hyung, I really am.”

  
 Eric brought his hands between them to push their bodies apart. He looked down at Jackson, wary of the short distance that still remained between their faces, and let his surprise show. “You- You don’t think I’m a horrible person?”

  
 Jackson shrugged, an awkward gesture considering his arms were still halfway around Eric, and quirked the corner of his mouth up. “It sounds to me like you’ve done nothing wrong. She left you first, right? And you love someone else?” Eric hesitated but nodded his assent anyway. What could it hurt to be honest about that part since Jackson already knew?

 “Then you shouldn’t feel bad. If she doesn’t want to be there for you then you shouldn’t keep that space in your hearts parking lot open for her.”

  
 Eric burst out laughing at the last comment and continued to laugh, bowing his head to rest on Jackson’s shoulder as he let loose a torrent of giggles. “What?”

  
 Eric sucked in a deep breath and tried to stop the shuddering fit of hysteria taking over his senses. Maybe he was a little drunk now but he was pretty sure what Jackson said was hilarious no matter what state of mind you were in. He picked his head up to look at the elder, tears gathering in the corner of his eyes.

 “Did you say _heart's parking lot_?” He bit his lip to stifle the second burst of laughter wanting to come out after he said it himself.

  
 Jackson, of course, looked mortally wounded by Eric’s words. He stuck his lips out in his signature pout and made those wide, puppy dog eyes that made you fall in love. “What’s wrong with that? It works!”

  
 “Ah, you’re always so cute,” Eric cooed. Jackson froze again and Eric realized he had _actually_ made a mistake this time. “Shit, I meant to say that in my head not out loud.” Backtracking was impossible now that he’d gone and fucked up twice. His face turned what was probably an awful shade of red and he desperately tried to think of some way to get out of that.

  
 “In an idol way, I mean,” he added, his words slurring a little. Damn, the alcohol was hitting him like a freight train now. This was bad.

  
 “Eric are you okay?” Jackson was eyeing him with trepidation. His body was tense and he looked like he was ready to bolt any second.

  
  _Gee, way to go Eric_. Deciding to scream at himself for this epic fuck up when the younger was safely gone from the apartment he hastily removed himself from the other’s grip. “Sorry, I’m just tired and not making any sense. Forget it. You should go.”

 He moved to get up too quickly and the world spun, or maybe it was him that spun because two seconds later he was falling forward and headed straight for the ground. He suddenly flipped around and then he was falling onto Jackson, the younger wrapping his arms around Eric to protect him as they tumbled back into the couch. Jackson hit the couch and Eric hit Jackson. “Oww,” he whined out in a huff as his head smacked into Jackson’s (very hard) chest.

  
 “Double oww,” the younger said from beneath him. _Beneath him_. With his hands braced on the younger’s biceps he slowly looked up, right into Jackson’s warm chocolate eyes. He smiled down at Eric, small and shy and Eric’s breath hitched. His brain stopped working aside from saying _you’re on top of him_ over and over. He wanted to get up but he couldn’t bring his muscles to respond to the commands.

  
 Jackson was hard. His body, that was. Eric knew the other man was in good shape. Jackson might spend a lot of time eating junk food but he spent twice that in the gym. Eric had seen him perform in shorts and tank tops; He had known the younger had a lot of muscle. Knowing and _feeling it against his own body_ were two very, _very_ different things. The word Adonis came to mind and Eric blushed. He couldn’t believe he’d just _thought_ that. At least he hadn’t-

  
 “An Adonis, huh? That’s a new one.” Jackson flashed him an amused smirk and Eric was very sure he wanted to die now.

  
 “Did I say that out _loud_?” Jackson nodded and then so did Eric. “Okay. I’m gonna go drown myself in the rest of that bottle of whiskey now.”

  
 He finally made his body move and pushed himself up but Jackson’s hands gripped his shoulders and kept him from getting all the way off of him. He was almost straddling the younger boy now. There was very little he wanted more then to lock himself in his bathroom and die of embarrassment right now, the only thing he wanted _more_ being to do the opposite and embarrass himself further by _actually_ straddling Jackson. Thank god he had some semblance of control left and did neither of those things.

  
 Jackson was looking up at Eric curiously, the way he did when something was on his mind and he was trying to figure out how to say it because he _would_ say it, he always did. “Hyung, do you like me?”

  
 The elders heart sped up dangerously and he shook his head adamantly, regretting the effect it had on his head. “No! I don’t! I mean I like you of course but as a friend because that’s no more than a guy should- does like another guy right?” _Fuck fuck fuck_. He fucked up.

  
 The younger raised his eyebrow in a very judging way and burst out laughing. “Oh god, hyung. How did you find a wife when you’re so bad at flirting?”

  
 Eric bristled, both offended and panicking because he was being way too obvious. “I’m not flirting,” he sniped back. He tried to push himself off but Jackson still wouldn’t let him go.

  
 “Hyung, you are _definitely_ flirting with me. Even though you’re trying  _very_ hard not to,” he added, still chuckling though it was beginning to die off.

  
 This was possibly the stupidest situation Eric had ever gotten himself into. He should never have let Jackson come over, should never have brought alcohol into the equation, should never have called him cute. He should have never fantasized about him either and now he was paying the price. This was dangerous territory. Being gay in Korea was not okay, especially not in the entertainment industry. He had to convince Jackson he was wrong before he knew with any certainty if he wanted to save his career.

  
 “Why would I flirt with you? I’m not gay,” he said as seriously as he could manage, feigning as much disgust at the notion as he could muster. Jackson flinched, visibly hurt by the look in the elders eyes. Eric wanted to take it back the second he saw that. He’d never wanted to hurt Jackson. That was the _last_ thing he’d ever want.

  
 He was about to do just that, take back what he said when Jackson’s jaw set and his eyes flashed with resolve. He looked like a man on a mission and Eric was confused because wha- And then Jackson had leaned up on his elbows and was kissing Eric. _Kissing_. Jackson was _kissing him_.

  
 His brain completely shorted out the second the younger’s soft, strawberry pink lips touched his. Every warning siren in his body that was trying to get him out of the situation before switched off now and left him at the mercy of his _actual_ wants. The hesitation had lasted as long as it took for Jackson to tilt his head to probe deeper and Eric’s resistance fell apart, turning him to putty in the other’s hands.

  
 He kissed back. He might regret it in the morning but he decided the didn’t fucking _care_ because he had wanted this for almost as long as he’d known the boy and he was not going to deny a miracle dropped literally _into_ his lap. Besides, Jackson had initiated it right? He couldn’t say anything when _he’d_ been the one to start it.

  
 Eric had dreamt about Jackson’s lips so many times he’d thought he knew exactly what it would be like to feel them but he’d been _wrong_. They were softer then he’d believed humanly possible. They felt like heaven against him and his hands gripped Jackson’s arms tighter in response. Jackson seemed to take that as encouragement because he opened them wider, slipping his tongue out to caress Eric’s lower lip.

  
 The little gasp that left him gave the younger the chance to push his tongue further into Eric’s mouth. He pulled Eric down, crushing their chests together and wrapping his arms around the elders lower back. Every movement sent sparks shooting through Eric’s core. The combination of warmth from Jackson’s body and the way he was licking into Eric’s mouth like he wanted to trace every inch of him was too much for Eric too handle. His whimper was swallowed by Jackson’s mouth but he could do nothing to hide the bulge growing beneath his jeans, pressing directly into Jackson’s thigh.

  
 The younger pulled back, lips puffy and slick with their combined spit. His eyes turned to crescents and he grinned up at Eric. “You were saying,” he prodded, his breath coming out in little pants. The sound did nothing to hinder Eric’s growing erection.

  
 “Okay,” he agreed, also out of breath. He nodded weakly and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “You were right.”

  
 “Of course I was,” Jackson beamed up at him. “You’re not very subtle at all hyung.”

  
 That brought the lump back and now Eric was drawing further up and away from the younger. “Does… Do they all know?” The idea that everyone knew his secret sent his stomach dropping to his feet and further, through the floor and straight into the ground. Maybe that was why no one had texted him? God, did they all hate him?

  
 Jackson noticed his panicking and hastened to sit up, keeping Eric from falling off long enough to shift him back onto the couch. “What are you talking about?” He turned his body to face Eric, worry drawing his eyebrows closer together.

  
 “They know, don’t they?” He scrunched his eyes shut and wished himself far away, somewhere he could pretend this wasn’t happening.

  
 “Who knows what? Hyung, what are you talking about?”

  
 “They know I’m in love with you,” Eric practically screamed into the apartment. His eyes shot open and his hand came to his forehead to try to steady the pulsing fear inside of it.

  
 Jackson reached out and grabbed his hand, ignoring the way Eric flinched at his touch. “Hyung, nobody knows anything.”

  
 “But- You said, I’m not subtle so how many others know?”

  
 “Hyung,” Jackson chuckled, eyes forming crescents again. He smiled at Eric and squeezed his hand tighter. “They don’t know. I only know because I was looking for it, hoping you liked me too. That’s the only reason I noticed any of it. Until tonight I wasn’t even sure, you were so careful.”

  
 “Oh,” Eric said. Relief was quick and he sighed, dropping his head into his hands. This many crisis’ in one day were exhausting him and he could really u-

  
 “Wait,” he realised suddenly, looking back up at Jackson. “You said liked you too.”

  
 “I’m in love with you too, hyung. Duh,” Jackson teased.

  
 Eric wanted to remind him _hyung_ didn’t mean _be sassy_ but he was too distracted by the fact Jackson had _confessed_ to him. It hadn’t been much of a confession, that was true, but it had been a confession. He had told Eric he loved him. Loved him. _Love_.

  
 Eric threw caution to the wind and smashed did lips back into Jackson’s, fingers clutching the material of his shirt and bunching it up. He wanted to continue where they left off now but Jackson pushed him away.

  
 “No, hyung. We can’t.”

  
 Eric stared at him, a mixture of confusion and hurt on his features. “But… You said you loved me too. Why can’t we?”

  
 “Because,” Jackson said matter-of-factly as he stood up, pulling Eric up along with him. “You are drunk right now and I will not take advantage of you.”

  
 “But you just did,” Eric retorted, still confused, as Jackson pulled him by the hand across the room.

  
 “That was just to test whether you were telling the truth; It doesn’t count.”

  
 Eric whined. It was undignified but he didn’t care if it meant getting what he wanted. His bulge was still noticeable in the front of his jeans and he _really_ wanted to make it go away the _fun_ way. “Please,” he begged, reaching forward to grab Jackson clumsily.

  
 The younger whipped around and gave Eric a very stern look, head tilted to the side in a way that said _do not mess with me right now_. “No, he repeated. “Now where is your bedroom? You need to sleep this off.”

  
 “But,” Eric began. He cut himself off when the younger’s look went from stern to _do_ not _test me_ in two seconds. “Okay,” he squeaked. He moved towards his bedroom, tugging the other boy along with him. He nudged the door open and pulled Jackson inside and straight toward the bed. He plopped onto it, tugging Jackson’s hand to get him down as well.

 “Only if you sleep with me,” he said suggestively. Maybe Jackson had said no _before_ but it would be much easier to change that answer when they were sandwiched next to each other in the bed.

  
 The younger boy gave him a disappointed look and sat down next to him. “Hyung, If you think I don’t see through you then you’re crazy. We are _not_ , I repeat NOT going to do anything but sleep here.”

  
 “Sure. Of course.” Eric giggled and pulled Jackson back with him. They fell into the comforter and Eric wasted no time nosing up to the younger’s neck. He hadn’t even had a chance to press his lips to Jackson’s skin before the younger pushed him back, holding him at arms length.

  
 “I didn’t want to have to do this but you leave me no choice. Hyung, If you don’t stop I’m going to start singing trot music at the top of my lungs.”

  
 “You wouldn’t actu-"

  
 “PASSING BY HILLS, HILLS. THERE IS STILL ONE LEFT,” Jackson belted out.

  
 “Okay!” Eric cut him off before he could continue. “Aish, you’re loud.” He sighed in defeat and set to work trying to yank the comforter out from underneath them.

  
 “Yup.” Jackson shifted over and helped, bringing the blanket up over Eric and tucking him in. “Now go to sleep.”

  
 Eric pouted but didn’t dare argue again. Jackson was _not_ joking around about his threat. Besides, his head did feel pretty spinny and closing his eyes felt nice. Maybe a little nap wouldn’t be so bad after all. He turned over to face Jackson, cracking an eye open. “Don’t you dare leave while I’m asleep,” he warned. He wanted to sound threatening but the words came out slurred and lost the effect.

  
 “Shut up and go to sleep Eric.”

  
 “I’m going, I’m going,” he grumbled. It didn’t even take more then a few minutes of Jackson rubbing the side of his arm before he was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had meant for this to be all one shot and then I had to stop so I uploaded that preview, then I had to stop tonight and uploaded the second part of three instead... So here you go!


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